Not that I was making other plans. I am still in the throes of being a widow. My husband passed away unexpectedly. Doctors can make mistakes. We like to think they know what they are talking about, but it’s not always correct.
Women like to master the art of second guessing their husbands thus giving their marriage a second side. It takes years and involves changes that usually are made by supportive wives. When I think back to meeting my husband, and our courtship, and our marriage, I think “flexible.” I think willingness to concede without the feeling of “giving in.” I believe that one can keep it together and make it work without surrendering one’s individuality. None of this is easy, and more people than not are simply unable to achieve it.
Comes the present time. I access what is left to work with. I am there for family and taking on new responsibilities as best I can. Vulnerability must be dealt with and if we are lucky, we allow ourselves to look beyond. We allow options. My situation involved our two adult children and the company built by their father. My husband had an impressive resume. Clearly, he had found his calling in creating businesses, and building a format in which each business might survive and thrive. In the beginning he felt a great desire and need to offer the community and families within security by means of employment, product or service.
The company thrived. It made him feel complete when our children took an interest in what he created. The trauma of losing their dad was magnified many-fold by the closeness they had achieved. Now, they have found themselves sole managers of a dream, a dedication, a landmark. They continue his dream with astounding energy and ability. I am proud to say that while living their own lives they continue to perpetuate their father’s dream. While all of this leaves me with pride, I find I am dependent on abilities I still struggle to attain.
My own health requires me to stay on top of fitness. Dealing with this is a highly personal task. Throwing in Covid-19 has, of course, added stress. Still, I keep a watchful eye over our business, run my household and keep up on my physical and mental health. My marriage was long enough to weather many storms. This is not to say I was a huge success, but I was able, despite heart issues, to enjoy local theater activities and family trips.
I gained a close friendship with the man who encouraged my support of the community. Curiously, we were both writers and twenty years ago worked together for a Sandy town newspaper. Now our friendship is helping me find a firm footing once again. Life does go on.
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